Disassociating (again)

Okay so this time it was scrolling through Instagram, and I saw a picture of me and my boyfriend. I can feel my senses retracting inwards, like my arms from about the elbow down have started to tingle/buzz really unpleasantly, it’s not pins and needles it’s different. I was just reminded by that photo that that is who I am and it doesn’t feel real, I am struggling to believe I actually exist. I think it might be a night to avoid mirrors, today has been stressful.

Not usual stress, I’ve felt really nauseous all day, and there was a moment earlier where I ended up with stomach acid coming up my throat and I nearly puked. Vomiting really distresses me- I get so freaked out by the idea, and I’m just very frightened of throwing up. I’m not sure why, I mean of course it is unpleasant for anyone, but I was at the brink of a panic attack because I was so distressed by the feeling that i was going to be sick.

I sort of made it better though, because I gargled with mouthwash to A. Get rid of the flavour, and B. Neutralise the acid.

What I forgot was that when using an alkali to neutralise and acid, it produces a bit of a reaction. Think the vinegar/bicarb volcanoes you make in school. That was what happened to my mouth, but on a smaller scale.

Erin

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