Since about this time last year, I’ve been very focused on my faerie story/world (which you can read more about in my older posts). I’ve been building the world, the characters and developing their various stories. I am sort of addicted to it. For a while, last semester, it felt like that world was more real than my actual reality, but at the time I was struggling a lot mentally, and that world was somewhere where I had control and felt happy. The real world was extremely frightening and everything felt like it was spiralling out of control.
In the last few weeks, though, I’ve found myself drifting back towards a story that I have really thought about for the last 18 months or so. It was one which started in my head when I was 15, and grew and developed over many years. But when my first year of university ended, I sort of abandoned it.
When I create a story, all the characters are a part of me. I invest a piece of myself into each and every one of them, which is why I become so obsessed and entangled with these worlds. When I abandoned that story, it was because I no longer really related to those characters.
After my experiences with my mental health semester though, I feel more connected to these characters again, and also, because I’ve had space from them, it feels like I might be able to write a better story. I might be able to do them justice.
Although my faerie story is my preferred one and feels more powerful, it’s important to me that I finish this old story, because then I can let it go. Maybe I’ll publish it, or maybe I’ll forget it for 20 years, and then rediscover it and read it. But I want to write it in full, so that my relationship with it ends. The characters will still be part of me, but they won’t haunt me anymore, with their need to have their tale told.
So yeah, I’m going to start focusing on that for a bit once all my work is handed in for assessment. I’m also going to keep an eye on my faerie world, I don’t want that to start drifting away.