I Need to Speak

There are many things I need to say, but I can’t. I am ready to say them, but I can’t make the words come out of my mouth. I need to say the things and have them validated.

I can’t say them on here, in case someone from home sees them.

I can’t say them to my counsellor, in case she tells me they’re not real, because they are. I know she wouldn’t, but I’m scared she will.

Most of all I have so much I have to tell my Mum. I had so much difficulty talking to her about my mental health issues in the past, things that’ve plagued me for years, and was only just able to start telling her last year. I don’t know how to tell her these things. I know I need to, but I’m afraid they’ll hurt her, and I’m afraid that telling her will hurt me. I can talk freely to my friends about them, and it doesn’t affect me, but it wouldn’t be the same with my Mum.

I feel like I am trying to swim through treacle at the moment, by not approaching these issues properly I am stopping myself from moving forwards. But how can I approach them when I have this absolute fear that I will be told they’re not there, when I know they are.

It is impossible.

Erin

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