Things seem to pass by me in a blur, I know they’re there, but I don’t really notice them. I guess, to be completely honest, things are starting to get bad again.
And it’s kinda scary. Normally the time between really bad periods is at least 9 months, usually a year+, and it’s only been about 6 since I dragged myself out last time. There’s just an overwhelming darkness that’s starting to grow inside me, and I can’t take it.
I don’t know if I can survive another one like last time. I’m not sure that I’d come out the other side. I want to be okay, but I can only be okay if I start properly opening up and being honest with myself and others. How the hell do you even start to do that? I want to talk to my Mum, but it’s never the right time.
It’s feels as if it’d be less hassle for everyone if I didn’t exist. I’m not going to do anything- don’t worry- it just seems as though it’d be easier.
I’m completely exhausted now. The thought of having to deal with it all again is unbearable. I think I’m walking along a very narrow knife edge now, and it’s far to easy to slip.